Another year... another retreat...

Since I discovered an alternative way to spend New Year last year, I find it hard to spend it any other way! For a majority of people, getting up before dawn to meditate sounds like tortune esp. over the festive period, but to me, it is so much more appealing than going to over-hyped parties and waking up with hangovers.

After spending months in Asia, it was hard to leave the sun behind. When my initial flight to London was canceled due to the snow, I was tempted to change my schedule but to my surprise, the re-scheduled flight took off despite all the flights before that being canceled!

Most of my friends and family find it hard to understand why I would choose to go on a meditation retreat in the English countryside where temperatures would drop down to sub-zero degrees. As much as I love spring and autumn, I think there is something appealing about winter. Perhaps it is the stillness and sadness that I find intriguing. When I walked across the fields on a cold and misty morning, I felt like I was on the set of a Merchant Ivory film. The air was crisp and I could hear every sound around me, there was something very poetic and magical about the whole setting.

If we learn to appreciate the beauty of each season, then it might give us some insights about our lives... Instead of focusing on the harshness of winter, perhaps it's time to enjoy the serenity that is unqiue to this season.

Thich Nhat Hanh retreat in Hong Kong 2010

Thay taking a rest and drinking a cup of tea mindfully during the walking meditation


Thay leading the last walking meditation


Sun finally came out after the rain...


Accommodations


Our room

My friend and I wanted to go to Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh's retreat in Nottingham back in August but was put off by the high price (almost £500!), so we went to his talk in London instead. Although I was disappointed, I kinda put it aside without much thought. A month later, I told my Hong Kong friend that I was going to be in town during November, and to my surprise, she informed me that Thay was also visiting, and she had just signed up for the retreat. I couldn't believe my luck... but the most shocking thing was the cost of the retreat... only £100! Not sure why there was such a huge difference in the pricing but I definitely was glad to attend and save a few hundred pounds at the same time!

Last New Year, I went on my first major Buddhism/ meditation retreat with over 100 people in the U.K. and the experience taught me a lot about myself and others. While I was there, I struggled to focus and encountered many inner conflicts, but the impact was huge and I remained positive for almost 2 weeks after the I left the retreat! With this experience, I was more prepared this time and thus coped pretty well with over 1400 retreaters!

The differences between the two retreats: 1. Most people on this retreat were already familiar with either Thay's teaching or had acquired some basic understanding of Buddhism, so their attitudes were very different from those in the U.K. who were driven by curiousity. 2. And because of this, people on this retreat were not as sociable and friendly as those in the U.K. (this could also be due to the culture differences). 3. And to my surprise, the sitting meditations were relatively short and infrequent because the emphasis was more on walking meditations which I quite like.

The common ground of the two retreats: 1. Both with very basic facilities, it could be quite challenging being out of our comfort zones esp. in terms of cleanliness or if you are not used to the food. 2. Both were packed with activities from dusk til dawn, so it could be extremely tiring esp. when you are not used to getting up at 5.30 in the morning and going to bed after 10 every night! 3. Similar programmes with talks, sharing, silence, yoga (or other exercises)... however, my friend and I particularly liked 'Total relaxations' where we could take afternoon naps... brilliant idea!

Of course, the best thing about this retreat was the presence of Thay. It was a rare sight to see 1. Over 1000 Hong Kong people sitting quietly on floor mats with their mobiles turned off (although there were some who did not do this) listening to Thay talking for 2 hours every morning! 2. Grown men and women singing accompanied by cute hand gestures! 3. Usually monks and nuns seem serious and rigid but here, the 80 monks and nuns looked joyful and full of spirits!

And during the first two days, it was pouring down continuously but we went ahead with the walking meditation on the second morning. While most of us had umbrellas, a few had to use towels, yoga mats and hats to cover their heads! It was rather touching to see Thay leading in front and over a thousand people following him in such miserable weather. The power of faith and respect left a strong impression on me.

As expected, there were quite a few minor issues and my friend and I strongly felt that the organizer had accepted too many retreaters or commuters because we were packed like sardines most of time! However, most of us left the retreat more postive and joyful because Thay's kindness, insights, wisdom and sense of humour really touched us all. He even inspired me to take part in the transmission of the five mindfulness training which I hope will help me to become a kinder and more mindful person...



The equally peaceful world outside of the retreat gates...

Back from a long break... into the gardening season

Finally, the sky re-opens...

I have not logged on for months, party because of my hectic schedule in the past few months, partly because I was feeling a bit lazy & unmotivated... Now, I am ready start blogging again in a different style: shorter, more frequent with more info about what is going on esp. in London.

Finally the long and rather grim winter has left us, I am not even sure how we managed to get through the past winter with all the snow and depressingly cold, wet weather. It just reminded me of the gloomy days I spent in Moscow... Although Richmond Park looked amazing in the snow, it was a nightmare driving back without winter tyres nor grits, the last thing we wanted was to skid into the icy Thames water!




Winter wonderland in Richmond Park, January

I didn't travel out of the country for the first few months of 2010, so a day trip out to Hampton Court on a sunnny day in March was pleasant and much needed! Although it was sunny, the cold breeze was still quite harsh, but at least we managed to avoid crowds of tourists... The grounds are beautiful and very well-maintained but I was slightly disappointed with the maze! I thought it would be much larger but we were out of it after only 10 mins!!





Hampton Court, March



Hill Garden and Pergola in Hampstead, one of my favourite spots in London

This year, I am determined to do more gardening and re-create my mini garden... First of all, I signed up again for the gardening retreat and revisited the little climber, wisteria, that I planted last autumn. I guess the harsh winter has had an effect on the plant, it's not looking great but hopefully some sun and care will revitalise it!

I have always been a city person, but as I get older, I just love the countryside and nature more. Once out of London, I realised how much I missed the countryside esp. country walks. With the beautiful sunny weather, no sound of cars nor planes (I guess some of us benefited from the no-fly ban!), I did some Mindful walking which was calming and peaceful. It was hard to go back to London after such a wonderful weekend, but luckily, I managed to find more gardeining related events and activities back in London to satisfy my hunger for nature (to be continued in my next entry)...



Beautiful Suffolk countryside



My plant 7 months ago and now... hopefully it will look better as the summer approaches

A prayer for the new decade...

I am not a religious person. I attended Christian/ Protestant schools all my life but have never felt any strong sense of connection towards Christianity. I used to pray almost daily when I was a kid but it was for all sorts of selfish reasons i.e. I will be good if God can make my stomach pain goes away etc. It was quite silly and I gave up praying as I turned into a teenager. Then in my early 20s, I became interested in Buddhism and New age spirituality. I read books by Shirley Maclaine about her spiritual journey and was completely fascinated by the subject. At the same time, I also became interested in meditation, tarot cards, astrology, Chinese astrology & fortune telling... But just like a fashion fad, my interests came and went quite quickly. I guess I was too young and hedonistic to truly understand and sustain my interests.

Until about 2 years ago, I really thought I knew what happiness was... I have had a pretty good life, financially secured, happily married with family and friends who love and care for me. I was enjoying life to the fullest... dining in Michelin starred restaurants, traveling leisurely on regular basis and staying at some of the best hotels in the world. Then suddenly everything started to crumble right in front me (including myself), and I couldn't stop it. I was completely helpless, and during the most difficult time, I turned to psychotherapy, Buddhism and meditation for support.

After a few months of psychotherapy sessions and endless of self-help books, I realised that they were just short-term solutions. In order to heal properly, I started to meditate daily and read books on Buddhist teachings. Two years on and I can say that I am more positive, focus and content. My happiness does not come from external sources but from within. Although I still enjoy certain luxuries and nice meals occasionally, I know that they are not essential to me. I don't like to be labeled as a 'Buddhist', but to me, Buddhist teachings make sense and they help me to become a better person. For the past year or so, my life has changed gradually and positively, and I know that I could never go back to the hedonistic way of living again.

Over the New Year, I spent days at a meditation retreat with hundred of strangers and it turned out to be the most meaningful and unique New Year I have ever had in my life. I have never liked New Year's eve because of the expectations, I have spent the past New Years around the world... in spa hotel, upscale restaurants, dinner parties, house parties, private clubs, night clubs and even at home, but they were all dull and pointless. Hence I was determined to change all that this year esp. because it was the end of a decade. All my friends and family looked at me funny when I announced my New Year plan, but when they saw how positive and energetic I was afterwards, they began to understand why I did it.

After being cut off from the outside world for days, I couldn't watch the news when I got home because everything was so negative. The world didn't change THAT much over those few days, but my mindset did. We had generated so much positive energy between us that I became ultra sensitive to anything negative. Although personally I feel more positive about my future, realistically, I don't feel the same way about the future of this world.

We are now living in a very dangerous world, not only it is more divided than ever in terms of race, religions and wealth, we are also facing a crisis in our ecosystem. Most people in the wealthy and developed nations are more concerned with their economies, but personally I think this crisis is just what we need after years of prosperity. It is now the time to reflect and look inwards. If we want to make the world a better place, we need to start within ourselves. We need to re-evaluate our values, goals and purposes. Most people claim that their ultimate goal in life is to be happy, but what does happiness mean? Is it to find Mr Right, have some kids and live in a suburban house with a garden? Is it to become the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company? Or is it to win the X factor and become famous overnight? Yet why do so many of us still feel empty after achieving our goals?

In Buddhism, it is said that human sufferings are caused by desire. We humans don't seem to learn from our past lessons and we repeat the same mistakes over and over again. We believe that power, status, money, romantic love and beauty (all external factors) can bring us true happiness, and we want control over every aspects of our lives. But of course we always end up disappointed and disillusioned when things start to fall apart or are beyond our control. Why are people surprised about the collapse of the Western banking system and financial crisis in Dubai? To me, they seemed inevitable because people just got too greedy. And I can see this happening again in the future, especially in the up and coming countries like China, India, Brazil and Russia (In fact, Russia has also been affected by the recent economic crisis). Unless they learn from the mistakes made by the developed countries, they will not be exempt from similar crisis in the future.

My prayer for the new decade is that we, as human beings, must learn to control our desire, and we need to understand that instant gratifications do not bring us true happiness. Of course it is not realistic to try to abandon all our desire because we are not monks or nuns, but we need to know that being selfish and ignorant will get us nowhere and subsequently it will only cause more damage to our world/ planet. We all have the power to change the world and make things better, but we must start from within and then we can educate the next generation and hope that they can use their knowledge and power to do good in the years to come. I have no idea what will happen within the next ten years, but I will try my best to fulfill my role as a responsible citizen of this world.