I am not a religious person. I attended Christian/ Protestant schools all my life but have never felt any strong sense of connection towards Christianity. I used to pray almost daily when I was a kid but it was for all sorts of selfish reasons i.e. I will be good if God can make my stomach pain goes away etc. It was quite silly and I gave up praying as I turned into a teenager. Then in my early 20s, I became interested in Buddhism and New age spirituality. I read books by Shirley Maclaine about her spiritual journey and was completely fascinated by the subject. At the same time, I also became interested in meditation, tarot cards, astrology, Chinese astrology & fortune telling... But just like a fashion fad, my interests came and went quite quickly. I guess I was too young and hedonistic to truly understand and sustain my interests.
Until about 2 years ago, I really thought I knew what happiness was... I have had a pretty good life, financially secured, happily married with family and friends who love and care for me. I was enjoying life to the fullest... dining in Michelin starred restaurants, traveling leisurely on regular basis and staying at some of the best hotels in the world. Then suddenly everything started to crumble right in front me (including myself), and I couldn't stop it. I was completely helpless, and during the most difficult time, I turned to psychotherapy, Buddhism and meditation for support.
After a few months of psychotherapy sessions and endless of self-help books, I realised that they were just short-term solutions. In order to heal properly, I started to meditate daily and read books on Buddhist teachings. Two years on and I can say that I am more positive, focus and content. My happiness does not come from external sources but from within. Although I still enjoy certain luxuries and nice meals occasionally, I know that they are not essential to me. I don't like to be labeled as a 'Buddhist', but to me, Buddhist teachings make sense and they help me to become a better person. For the past year or so, my life has changed gradually and positively, and I know that I could never go back to the hedonistic way of living again.
Over the New Year, I spent days at a meditation retreat with hundred of strangers and it turned out to be the most meaningful and unique New Year I have ever had in my life. I have never liked New Year's eve because of the expectations, I have spent the past New Years around the world... in spa hotel, upscale restaurants, dinner parties, house parties, private clubs, night clubs and even at home, but they were all dull and pointless. Hence I was determined to change all that this year esp. because it was the end of a decade. All my friends and family looked at me funny when I announced my New Year plan, but when they saw how positive and energetic I was afterwards, they began to understand why I did it.
After being cut off from the outside world for days, I couldn't watch the news when I got home because everything was so negative. The world didn't change THAT much over those few days, but my mindset did. We had generated so much positive energy between us that I became ultra sensitive to anything negative. Although personally I feel more positive about my future, realistically, I don't feel the same way about the future of this world.
We are now living in a very dangerous world, not only it is more divided than ever in terms of race, religions and wealth, we are also facing a crisis in our ecosystem. Most people in the wealthy and developed nations are more concerned with their economies, but personally I think this crisis is just what we need after years of prosperity. It is now the time to reflect and look inwards. If we want to make the world a better place, we need to start within ourselves. We need to re-evaluate our values, goals and purposes. Most people claim that their ultimate goal in life is to be happy, but what does happiness mean? Is it to find Mr Right, have some kids and live in a suburban house with a garden? Is it to become the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company? Or is it to win the X factor and become famous overnight? Yet why do so many of us still feel empty after achieving our goals?
In Buddhism, it is said that human sufferings are caused by desire. We humans don't seem to learn from our past lessons and we repeat the same mistakes over and over again. We believe that power, status, money, romantic love and beauty (all external factors) can bring us true happiness, and we want control over every aspects of our lives. But of course we always end up disappointed and disillusioned when things start to fall apart or are beyond our control. Why are people surprised about the collapse of the Western banking system and financial crisis in Dubai? To me, they seemed inevitable because people just got too greedy. And I can see this happening again in the future, especially in the up and coming countries like China, India, Brazil and Russia (In fact, Russia has also been affected by the recent economic crisis). Unless they learn from the mistakes made by the developed countries, they will not be exempt from similar crisis in the future.
My prayer for the new decade is that we, as human beings, must learn to control our desire, and we need to understand that instant gratifications do not bring us true happiness. Of course it is not realistic to try to abandon all our desire because we are not monks or nuns, but we need to know that being selfish and ignorant will get us nowhere and subsequently it will only cause more damage to our world/ planet. We all have the power to change the world and make things better, but we must start from within and then we can educate the next generation and hope that they can use their knowledge and power to do good in the years to come. I have no idea what will happen within the next ten years, but I will try my best to fulfill my role as a responsible citizen of this world.
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